My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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