My sheets look like a crime scene.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
