Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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