girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
