He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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