Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize