never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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