remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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