Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
