no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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