Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize