Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
