textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
