hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
