ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
