i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
