I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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