I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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