He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
