At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
