FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
