quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
