Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
