mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A bitchslap is in order.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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