The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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