we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
