Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize