I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
