Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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