Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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