Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
