farters have to be the big spoon...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
