her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
