Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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