At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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