That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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