if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
