He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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