dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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