So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
