the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
