I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have post one night stand depression
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
