Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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