Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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