he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
