Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it hurts more in the daytime
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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