She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
