So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
