So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
