I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
