she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
