Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
