life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
