Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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