what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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