Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
