HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
