saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize