Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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