Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
