i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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