You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
