We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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