dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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