I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
