Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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