i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
