He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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