don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize