actually, I'm a sock model
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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