I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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