You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
