I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
