Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize