Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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