I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
