I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize