are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
