He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize