Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
