Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
