what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
