At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
