I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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