Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize