there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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