How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
