I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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