I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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