Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
