I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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