Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
