Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize