I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
