I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
