I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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