I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
